sorry, cow.

April 19, 2006


oh, f you gwyneth paltrow

April 11, 2006

moses? you named your child moses?

fuck you. i hate you.

unappreciated story i just told perry

March 31, 2006

once upon a time
there was a piece of bread
it was the happiest little piece of bread in all the land.
it traveled far and wide
and saw all the beautiful cities in the world.
gay paris
until it came to wisconsin
and then someone made it into a grilled cheese sandwich.
the end.

robin williams covered in poo (and why i’m a hypocrite)

March 31, 2006

right now i’m working at a post-production house that does DVD extras and specials for upcoming movies. i’m working on the footage for the movie “RV” that’s coming out in a bit, starring robin williams and jeff daniels, directed by barry sonnenfeld. and i watched the full movie yesterday, to get an idea of what i should be doing with it.

and there’s a scene with robin williams covered in poo.

and i have to ask myself… when did this become the standard of humor? why are there so many movies being made involving fecal matter? urine? vomit? (which you all know my problems with) why is the byproduct of the human body expelled onto another person funny? i know there are still people out there who have the ability to make good comedy. for instance, see 40 year old virgin. (yes i know if had a vomit scene in it, but i’m letting it go because the movie so was so smart otherwise.) i’m glad i don’t work in film, because i get the feeling that i would end up working on movies like this. which, while it’s with a great actor, and a (sometimes) great director, there’s still poo.

on a side note, i kind of really want to see slither.

“…DNFH” 3/31

March 31, 2006

If a man has a porno collection that’s bigger than his collection of real movies, don’t fuck him.

If someone has had their dearly departed pet stuffed and glazed, and Sparky now guards the entrance to their home, don’t fuck them.

If someone starts telling you about their “work” but they don’t have a job, don’t fuck them.

If a guy refers to either his mother or ex-girlfriend as either a bitch, whore or psycho, don’t fuck him.

“….Do not fuck him.”

March 30, 2006

me and anna have been inspired by this quote by john waters: “if you go home with someone and they do not have any books, don’t fuck them.” to start our own “then do not fuck him” list.

our first contributions:

“If a guy takes off his pants and there is a cartoon character on his boxers . . . don’t fuck him.”
“If someone’s fish tank water is so dirty you can’t actually see any fish… do not fuck them.”